The Unseen and Unheard Side of Social Media Responses

As an International NLP (Neuro Linguistic Trainer) or more precisely an NLP addict for eight long years, I have observed that communication is not just a 360-degree process which involves senders, messages, channels, receivers and feedback, it is also what we don’t see and don’t hear at the surface. Language has two structural layers: surface and deep. What we hear at the surface is an outcome of what goes through several filters within the system at a deeper level. The objective of this article is not to discuss the different structures of language but to understand how responses to posts on social media can indicate favouritism in our personal and professional spaces.

Needless to mention the impact of social media on people’s lives across the globe. What is truly interesting to observe is that beyond merely sharing moments, social media interactions, such as likes, comments, and emojis, can carry nuanced meanings that can reflect underlying biases and favouritism. While some users engage with content spontaneously and genuinely, others may be more selective, consciously or unconsciously displaying favouritism in both personal and professional circles.

Human beings have three primal needs: to be seen, to be heard and to be held. Added to these are four core needs: Need for certainty, Variety, Connection and Significance. Besides fulfilling these needs social media engagement is often driven by psychological factors such as social validation, belongingness, and reciprocity. People tend to interact more with individuals they feel a stronger connection with, whether due to personal affection, mutual benefit, or social obligation. This inclination leads to selective engagement, wherein certain posts receive more attention and support than others.

According to research individuals are more likely to engage with posts from people they like, relate to, favour or benefit from in some way. The use of encouraging emojis (such as hearts, clapping hands, stars and smiley faces) often denotes approval, encouragement, affection or favouritism. On the contrary, there is also a lack of engagement with certain posts or even ignoring the content of a specific individual. All such actions or inactions can subtly indicate indifference, neglect, or even passive-aggressive behaviour.

By taking a deeper look at the engagement and response patterns one can get an idea pertaining to favouritism among different groups of people who are active on the social media handles.

Even in friend groups is it not difficult to identify the inner circles and differing degrees of closeness. There are people who receive frequent comments and expressive emojis from a particular friend may be perceived as a “favourite.” And very often such subtle gestures of favouritism can create rifts among a group of friends and lead to feelings of exclusion among other friends.

For instance, when a person consistently comments on one friend’s posts with enthusiastic remarks and emojis but remains silent on another’s posts, it sends a subtle yet clear message about their social preferences. It is very likely that over a period of time, such behaviour may strain friendships and create a sense of hierarchy within a group.

Families are another arena where favouritism plays a significant role. One can easily find parents, siblings or extended family members engaged in unconscious or intentional involvement with certain specific relative’s posts. This can be attributed to personal preferences, biases or shared interests.

Frequently you may come across a parent who consistently reacts to one child’s posts with heart emojis and keep showering praises while ignoring another child’s achievements. Such behavioural patterns can inadvertently reinforce feelings of favouritism and eventually affect self-esteem of the ignored and create rifts in familial bonds.

In the workplace, it is interesting to observe how social media interactions reflect favouritism. Employees and employers alike may use engagement as a tool to express approval, form alliances, or subtly display biases.

In corporate environments, favouritism can manifest through selective engagement on professional networking sites such as LinkedIn or Twitter. Supervisors and managers may frequently comment on or react to certain employees’ posts while ignoring others. This can in all probability create a perception of bias, punch a hole in team morale and adversely impact employee relationships.

There are managers who consistently praise and share the achievements of select employees but neglect the ones who are not gifted with a at your service kind of attitude. This behavior can lead to workplace tension, reduced motivation, and even claims of favouritism, even without the concerned managers being aware of the damage done.

Employees often form professional networks where social media engagement plays a role in career advancement. Those who receive frequent support and acknowledgment from influential colleagues may gain greater visibility and opportunities for career growth.

Conversely, employees who are systematically excluded or ignored from online interactions may feel isolated or undervalued. The absence of acknowledgment can reinforce power imbalances and create barriers to professional success.

So far you may have noticed how various comments and emojis can indicate the dynamics of relationships in the personal and professional spheres. Let me bring your attention to the possible consequences of favouritism on social media platforms.

The selective nature of social media engagement has real-world implications. While favouritism may seem harmless, it can lead to emotional distress, misunderstandings, and fractured relationships in both personal and professional spheres.

• Feeling excluded or less favoured on social media can negatively impact emotional & mental health, leading to feelings of loneliness, low self-worth, and social anxiety.
• Unbalanced social media interactions can cleave chasms between friends, family members, and colleagues, causing resentment and conflict.
• Favouritism and nepotism in professional contexts can cause serious but unseen damage to teamwork, lower morale, and create divisions that can hinder collaboration and productivity.
• Whether in personal or professional contexts, favouritism on social media can damage reputations and lead to accusations of unfairness or discrimination.

Here are few tips through which this unseen and unheard saboteur can be checked.

• Engage with a diverse range of people to avoid unintentional favouritism. Try to support friends, family members, and colleagues equally.
• Foster authentic engagement based on interest and appreciation rather than social pressure or favouritism.
• If there are chosen people, praise them privately instead of making a public display of favouritism.
• Ensure that all team members receive equal acknowledgment and support in online spaces.

By being mindful of how we engage on social media, we can create a more inclusive and fair digital space. Thoughtful interaction fosters stronger relationships, minimizes conflicts, and ensures that all individuals feel valued, both online and offline.So, the next time you respond to a post don't assume that no one is watching the unheard and unseen messages in your social media communications.

By – Dr Srabani Basu – Associate Professor – Department of Literature and Languages- Easwari School of Liberal Arts- SRM University -AP.