In many modern relationships, women are asking a serious question: Why does having a boyfriend feel like parenting one? The term “mankeeping” is now being used to describe a growing issue where women end up managing their partner’s emotional needs, rather than simply being in a relationship.
This term was introduced by Stanford researcher Angelica Ferrara. It refers to the unpaid emotional work women often do, like being the planner, therapist, motivator, and life coach, all without acknowledgement or balance. The issue isn’t about helping a partner, but doing all the emotional heavy lifting alone.
Keenkeeping Vs Mankeeping: The Emotional Load In Relationships Is Exhausting
As reported by NDTV Swirlster, Psychologists say this kind of emotional labour has always existed, but now more women are speaking out. According to a survey by the Relationship Wellness Institute, 72% of single women said they feel emotionally drained from constantly guiding or correcting their partners.
Aparna Rao (a working woman in Delhi) shared, “It’s like I have to explain that texting back isn’t intimacy, it’s just being a decent human.”
Many women are feeling tired of playing emotional babysitter. This constant pressure leads to what’s now being called emotional mentor fatigue, where one partner gives endlessly, but receives little to nothing in return.
When A Girlfriend Becomes The Only Support System
Another reason for this imbalance is rising male loneliness. With fewer male friendships and emotional outlets, many men turn their romantic partners into their only source of emotional comfort. Over time, that dependency creates pressure, imbalance, and emotional strain.
Dr Gunjan Arya shared, “It’s like being tech support, HR, and therapist – without even being asked.” Women aren’t just partners; they’re emotional crutches, and that’s a lot to carry alone.
“Am I Dating Or Raising A Boyfriend?”
This feeling is becoming more common among women. Lawyer Raksha Agarwal said, “Am I dating a boyfriend or raising one?” It’s a powerful question that hits home for many women who find themselves always teaching basic emotional skills or correcting behaviours that should be obvious.
Instead of feeling supported, they feel like they’re constantly fixing someone.
How Can We Share The Emotional Load?
Experts suggest that identifying the problem is the first step. Using terms like mankeeping and emotional load in relationships helps start conversations. Setting boundaries, encouraging men to build their own support networks, and seeking therapy when needed are key to changing this pattern.
Both partners need to contribute emotionally for the relationship to be healthy and fair.
Love should never feel like a full-time job. Emotional vulnerability is a good thing, but emotional imbalance is not. Women deserve relationships where care and effort are shared. Recognising the problem is the first step toward building equal, respectful partnerships.
